The post was initially published at Parhlo. (Minus the gifs. The gifs are inserted for this post only.)
Alright boiz & girlz & aunties & uncles who love our desi dramas. Here are:
Twenty Rules of Pakistani Dramas.
1. One screaming aunty is a must. She can break your eardrums and the sound barrier all at the same time. It’s her superpower. Beware.
2. If a husband and wife are too cutesie together & are out shopping & having a nice dinner, ONE of them is gonna die. Confirmed.
3. Basically hero who is spoilt/macho will have one regular love interest & one/two idiotic women pining after him. Be ghatya. Score chicks.
4. There will always a team of people ready to hatch evil schemes to manipulate protagonists. Victim is usually a woman.
5. If a family is rich, they’ll be so rich that they will have Land Cruisers & Mercedes like nobody’s business. I’m talking crores here.
6. ghareeb hongay toh itne ke aloo pyaaz ke pese nahi honge. No money to pay fees. Have to marry the weird rich dude to make family happy 😭
7. ngo aunty = evil
8. ghairailu mummy ji = best.
9. pampered momma’s boy = hero
10. pampered mommy’s girl = witch
11. The gruff dude with intimacy issues is hot.
12. The emotionally unstable girl is not hot & is like this coz mommy was working.
13. At least one sifarshi non deserving person has to be cast to ruin the tempo of a riveting scene. Just hire a robot. It’d do better.
14. All amazing mom roles are played by Sania Saeed and Saba Hamid.
15. No one wears seatbelts while driving because fuck safety.
16. Sharmili woman/dulhan = best romance.
17. The “other” woman is alwayyyyssss modern, speaks more english, doesn’t wear a dupatta.
18. The main heroine is either untouched by a man or she is a tomboy. “Mummy Papa I don’t want to get married! Boiz are ewww.” (Women CAN be sexualized but CANNOT be humans who are aware of their biological needs. Storks are real.)
19. Cousins marrying cousins is super cool. Nobody finds this problematic. Even “faaran” returned Amreekan educated ones are ok with this.
20. Next episode promos are often misleading. Do not believe them.